House Guests

Having guests over is overrated. You think its a great idea, but its not. You don't realize how much you value your personal space or rhythm and how much that is interrupted when you have guests. Its even more difficult when you have children and those guests are your in-laws.

Not the way it was supposed to be

So here I am living the life I thought I wanted. I am home with A all day. I am free to do and not do as I wish. I am my own boss. I can wear my pajamas all day if I want to. I have a big house. I have nice things. I have money to spend on the things I want and need. That is the problem. Its only me. I have a husband, yes. He works a lot. When he is not working he is doing something. Something. Anything. Not sitting around, which is what I want to do. Not just laying and playing with A. Not sitting and reading together. No talking about 'life'. Doing. Something. This would be fine if we were Doing Something together. That we both wanted. I wish that when he wasn't working, he would be happy and content to just watch and interact with A. You'd think that after spending 60 hours away during the week with only seeing A a few hours during the week that it would be a nice change to spend unscheduled time during the weekend.  But no. Must be doing Something. Usually it is something that is not something we could do together. Like go to the gym for 2 hours. Or work outside in the lawn all morning/afternoon. Or work in the garage all morning/afternoon. Where did the husband I fell in love with go? The man that could spend all morning lazying around only to get dressed and showered to go out to get something to eat? What about taking a walk with the dog and your wife and your daughter to go to the playground? NO, that is too boring. 


I'm afraid that he is having an affair. He is in love more with himself than his family. I feel like a single mom. I'm not sure how to make it work other than to accept him for how he is now and see how things play out. Maybe he'll come around? I'm afraid that we are growing in separate ways. We are each doing what we want to do, but not with each other. Where does that leave us? Parents? Friends?


Nothing I can do about it right now. Want to have another baby. Maybe he'd spend more time with us if we had a boy? I know that is so silly to think that. But maybe its true, in some small, subconscious way. If I had 2 babies certainly I wouldn't have time to think about things like this, right?  

Me Time

I don't have enough ME time. I should schedule it in. Like my playdates and doctor appointments. Do you think OJ would mind? I must have turned into an introvert over the past few years but I really do need ME time. Time to be by myself. Alone. I don't need to go anywhere to experience this. I can accomplish it right at home. I'm probably feeling seriously low on ME time since the holidays have just passed and the PIL's were in town for almost 2 weeks. Oh, and I have a 2 yr old that is constantly at my heels. Is it sad that I can't wait for her to go to school? I'm talking about pre-school. 2 days a week. So I can have ME time. I'm selfish. I know. But who isn't? And the worst is pretending that you don't need time to yourself when you really do and then one day POOF - you blow. Nobody wants that. 

So I'm taking time for ME tonight. Oh yeah. 

I love sleep

Sleeping is my favorite past time. I might even call it my hobby. I am not depressed, or sad. I just like to sleep.

I thought that having a child might change my need to sleep. But no, it hasn't. In fact, I think it's reinforced it. Unfortunately, I don't get to sleep as often as I'd like. But I usually can get away with sleeping in on the weekends - which is a tribute I owe to oijiii.

Right now, I should probably take advantage of some quiet time and sleep...but I won't. I will take a shower instead - I've been sans a shower for about 48 hrs now and its almost starting to gross me out. Got my hair cut yesterday so I think that is what is making me think that I could probably get away with not showering today since my hair isn't greasy yet...but I digress.

So I don't ALWAYS choose sleep over doing my normal daily activities. But a perfect day would be to sleep in late...have a big brunch...take a nap...and then stay up late into the night.